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Wednesday, 06 May 2009

  • right where it belongs

    I feel so out of touch with everything.

    I don't even know where to begin. I feel like no matter what I do I'm not going to get anywhere and the harder I try the more hopeless everything becomes and the harder I hope, the harder I push forward.

    I only want you. You know this. I love you. You know this.
    Yet you still hurt me.

    She cheated on you and yet you keep her.

    I'm dying, toss me away.

    I'll survive.
    maybe.

    I really just want you to open up and grow up and love me like you used to without holding back.
    embrace it or tell me the fucking truth.

    bye.

Wednesday, 04 March 2009

  • all the words that I know

    more and more I just want to curl up in a corner and die.

    I don't like this.

    I don't like me
    I don't like what's happening.

    I am afraid.
    Deathly afraid of him now...

    That's what hurts the most I guess.
    I can't do anything anymore.
    I've done all I can and now I'm at a loss

    a huge loss.

    and I know I'm going to lose more before this is over.

    I need distraction and a lot of it...
    or else.


Monday, 23 February 2009

  • I can't even see you

    what did i do now
    what did i do now
    what did i do now

    I messed up too bad this time.
    He's gone and it's all my fault and he's not coming back.

    why
    why
    why am I so stupid?

    It hasn't even sunk in yet.
    I keep hoping he'll come back
    but he's not coming back
    but please please please come back
    don't leave me here alone

    but you're gone
    but I want you to come back
    more than anything

    I am such a fool

    I became a monster

    a monster...
    a stupid stupid monster

    and now I messed up one too many times
    and he's gone

    and it's all my fault
    it's all my fault
    I ruined everything
    all over again

    why can't I just give up?
    why can't I just let go?
    why can't I stop loving?

    nothing solves nothing
    he couldn't love me back
    and i couldn't pour out anymore
    and now the bottom fell out
    and it's all my fault

    oh it's all my fault...
    I'm so sorry...
    I am so sorry
    but you won't take me back

    it's all my fault that i cried
    it's all my fault that i got upset
    it's all my fault that i can't date other people
    it's all my fault i can't let go

    it's all my fault
    i can't even see
    can't even feel
    just cry
    and cry and
    cry
    and numb
    and cry
    and red
    and cry
    not blood no
    red face
    and eyes
    and cry
    till it hurts to cry
    then cry some more

    it's still all my fault
    and i know it
    and i'm numb to it

Sunday, 08 February 2009

Friday, 06 February 2009

  • Just a Reflection

    I was dancing.

    I don't even really know what I was doing. I was losing myself in the music. My mind...my body was in a different place. Someone was approaching me, but I had no idea who it was. A man tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around. This guy was not very attractive, but I had noticed that he had been staring at me for some time. He bent his head down and said "Can you smile?" I froze dead and everything went blank. Could I? I nodded and said "yeah" playing it off like nothing had really affected me. He laughed and said "Well I was starting to wonder because your face looked so unhappy and I haven't seen you smile once." I laughed and turned and started dancing again with a fake smile on my face.

    I started thinking about it. Woah...what's wrong with me? I feel like a twisted little girl. An adult. I have responsibility and I find myself so stretched and dry of all emotion. I wish there was an off switch. Click. Goodbye everything. I don't want to feel today or at least until you love me again.

    What am I doing here? How did I even get here?
    I don't know. I need help getting out. I so stupid and profoundly in love with a character who does not love me or at least does not love me the same. I apologize but I can not look at you as a brother so therefore I can not be your friend.

    Can I smile?
    Can I--smile?
    For real?
    I don't know the answer to that.
    Not the truth at least.
    I'm so sorry.

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Zyn_the_evil

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    • Name: Edie
    • Birthday: 8/7/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/21/2005

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  • Hey I'm a weird chick. I know this =] I'm kind of really happy right now and I love talking to new people and just having fun. Music is absolutely amazing and there is so much to life. Hit me up if you want to know more or you could just read ;]

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